What is your feeding tube?

I am Terry Shiavo.

I need other people to keep me alive.

"Look at the picture, Brad. Is that you or me?"

lame lounge

"would you please move your cigarette closer to you?"

"if you want to talk during my show, then why don't you go back to the bar?"

These are two questions you don't ask at the Larimer Lounge unless you want to get your ass kicked. And I didn't even get to see the band I wanted to see. But I did run into Frank. And I watched two men from Dublin almost get into it.

"That's not Irish. If he was Irish he would just go with it." That's what I like to hear.

Jesus has risen and he's pissed

I talked to Collin today. I bit my pride and told him I was sorry. And I am sorry for the whole glass bottle thing, but maybe not for my passion. But thats beside the point, we are friends again. Which leads me to the purpose of this blog.

I spend the weekend with my family. Easter was fantastic (this is my new favorite word...but when you say it you have to say it with your eyes closed or squinted, say FAN fast and then drag out the TASTIC, add in a little head jiggle with that too.) I went to mass on Easter Sunday with my brother and his new wife and my dad. The St. Francis Cabrini cathedral was full. So they set up a seperate mass in the gym, which was also full, and we had to stand in the back. And this was the second mass! Apparently eighty people were baptised at that parish the night before. I think it is good to know that in Littleton, CO the churches are full and there are eighty new Catholics. Not good as in "praise Jesus it is Good that there are new converts," but good because Christians and republicans are starting to run together in my mind. So it is good to know what the Christians are up to. Which leads me to the purpose of this blog.

The other night I was at the Fourth Story writing and drinking a gin and tonic when I was approached by two writers, a man and a woman. The woman asked, "are you a writer or are you just journalling." I didn't want to blow my cover, and to repond "yes I am JUST journally" was not what she wanted to hear, so I said, "I am an inspiring writer, but I am not published or anything." She smiled and replied, "blah blah my book that came out last month blah blah blah blah me me me." We talked for a while, and then she left. The man stayed, and we continued our conversation. He encouraged me to put something together, and I was inspired. Which leads me to the purpose of this blog.

After the election, Collin and I had this idea. We were drinking coffee and talking about what we could do. "What can we do? We must be able to DO something, but what?" I thought it might be a good idea to write about Christianity and its affect on politics and this election, this culture, etc. But we never did that. Now I am inspired to DO what we talked about DOING. But I need your help. YES you. all you crazy cynical bastards who have had crazy experinces with Christianity. You've all got stories to tell. Let's put them togther and DO something. I am not quite sure what just yet, but at least this is a start. Think about it...and write me an email (epinephrine@email.com).

Walk with confidence down Colfax

Yesterday I met the most amazing person. It was an encounter that humbled me almost to the point of tears. As I talked to this girl I realized all those silly things I get upset about aren't really that big of a deal. It made me appreciate all the things I have in life. I love experinces like that. I wish I could say more, but I would probably get fired from my job.

My dad is coming to town tommorrow! Spending time with him is such a pleasure for me. I would be nothing without my dad.

I hung out with Micheal last night, and today I can't stop smiling.

Anne's mix...

This has been a work in progress for about a month. But I think its ready.

1 - the state I'm in by Belle and Sebastion
2 - a Damned cover song from Bottle Rockets preformed by Calexico
3 - Devotchka
4 - Y control by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5 - rock and Roll by the Velvet Underground
6 - Lounge by Modest Mouse
7 - Motorway to Roswell by the Pixies
8 - Nothing better by the Postal Service
9 - Idioteque by radiohead
10 - domestica by Bjork
11 - Prog by pinkback
12 - Abloish work by the (International) noise Conspiracy
13 - Flower by Liz Phair
14 - I wanna be your boyfriend by the Ramones
15 - American Music by the violent femmes
16 - Long Division by Fugazi
17 - Zurich is stained by pavement
18 - the cat's pyjama's by Isobel Cambell

Anne - I have a copy for you...no need to spend your lunch break downloading the songs! I will hold it randsom until I get my smokes from you.

"Only the thoughts that we live out have any value." -Hesse

I've noticed that less and less people are calling me Luccy...

I got into a huge fight last night with Collin. There was some yelling, harsh words exchanged, I threw a glass bottle against a brick wall. Anger is a powerful thing. Its clothed with misunderstanding. I have been grumpy for a long time, something was bound to set me off. I feel much better today however. I'm so glad that life is unpredictable. I just have a feeling that there is so much more...more to come, more to see, lots to be, many to meet. Hopefully I won't blow it.

I wrote this about a year ago...

"He is perfect. He's not a distraction or a frustration. His mere existence brightens my day and thie first site of him flutters my stomach. He is my inspiration, my destination. I leave my lonliness at home and come smile at him in hopes that he might smile back. And its all justifed because I don't know him. I don't know his anoying habbits. He doesn' have control over me with temptations. He simply is. And he simply invades my heart."

After the fight, the night progressed, and I ran into this boy. WOW! We hung out all day. I'm so glad that life is unpredictable. My hopeless romantic curse has once again gotten the best of me, and I'm sure to end up with a broken heart. Nonetheless, I plan on enjoying every minute of the time I get to spend with him. I don't feel this way about anyone else, so that's got to mean something, right?

the slow and painful path of self destruction

today I had a dougnut for breakfast, some potato chips for a snack, some cheesey nasty hospital food for lunch, and for dinner I am consuming coffee, cigarettes and a sugar cookie.

today I found out that half of the classes I wanted to take this summer are cancelled, my checking acount is magically back to mere dollars and cents while my republican, capitalist brother is moving back to florida to become a millionare.

today I realized that my actions are not comparable to the butterfly flapping its wings. Thats just not how the world works.

today, dispite the self destructive binge, I am content that my actions have lead me down this road, and if I keep trying to fight it, I am only fooling myself.

I was listening to Brighteyes, and I kept thinking to myself..."is this guy really going to start crying? because it sounds like he is?" I wanted to reach through my speaker and grab him by the shoulders and say "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER...take a minute, get a glass of water, and finish playing...FUCK!"

Emotions are our thoughts. If we only feel sad we miss out on things like happiness, anger, grief, and worry. To live means to feel all these emotions evenly not letting only one single thought comsume us.

"its about time for a party at my house...

and it wouldn't be the same without you!
No not at all.
As I recall...
You've got what I need!"


I am having a birthday party at my house for Collin on Thursday, March 31st.

Come one, come all.

I was sick of the black

it was so dark and hard to read. hope you like the new skin. I think it will be this year's pink.

ps - if you find my blog to be hard to handle

...then don't read it!

Pretty Awesome Mamma

All girls my age have an idol. From Brittney Spears to Virginia Wolfe, we all have someone we look up to and long to have just ten minutes in her shoes. My idol is a girl named Pam. She works for the united states postal service as a mail carrier. She drives a scooter. She has been to more cool shows than humanly imaginable. I heard she once made out with the lead singer of the Cramps. Last night I went to the larimer lounge to see a Japanese punk band called Guitar Wolf. Pam was there. We had a conversation about music. It was awesome.

Yesterday at the Perk, I picked up a free magazine about music called Hyperactive. I picked it up because there was an article about DeVotcKa . In the interview Bill Nevins asks Nick "So who are your fans? Then, do you have a pretty good idea?" To which Nick replies, "Hopeless romantics. I notice a lot of them, and I can tell, being one myself."

I'm going to see them tommorrow night at the gothic. Seeing how Nick is watching, I think its a perfect excuse to wear my heels.

five things I did today that I don't really want to admit:

1. While I was driving to the Perk to study, I jammed out to an Alanis Morrset song on 1150 (and I don't even know how to spell the girls name!)
2. I discovered that $33.07 is the current balance in my checking account...eat your heart out Anne
3. 6:30 AM is going to come around really soon, but I don't care I'm still going to a show tonight.
4. While I was eating dinner tonight, I watched the last twenty minutes of Romeo and Juliet and cried my eyes out. (I think I am still slighly hung up on this boy! DAMMIT)
5. I read this blog today and found it to be quite interesting.

"F*%# you Lucy"

That's the name of a song by some hip-hop group that Scott listens to. He's probably blasting that song right about now seeing how I broke is heart today. God damn I am a bitch...I feel like shit. That's all I can really say.

So far this is the advice I have gotten:

Anne: "just give it a few days and see how you feel"

Megan: "this is megan. I can't get to my phone right now......"

Robert: "don't worry, you're a strange duck. but you're pretty cute. So get over it."

my dad: "call him as soon as you get off the phone with me and tell him you made a mistake."


I stopped by wax track on my way home because I was feeling like listening to some sad music. I bought four records:

1 - R.L. Burnside (recommended by Adam)
2 - Sam Cooke (recommended by Collin)
3 - The Postal Service (whom I am deeply in love with thanks to elizabeth)
4 - Skeeter Davis (I thought of this one by myself...I'm probably the only person who like her anyways.)

I have two questions:

I just got back from Twist and Shout. This is what I got:

1 - Bright eyes and son, ambulance - oh holy fools
2 - (the London) Suede - Everything will flow
3 - the Kinks (live) - the Road
4 - a key chain with a picture of Ralph that says "my cat's breath smells like cat food" (this is a present for my friend Mary)

Adam and I decicded to start a band called "big heads, little tits"

enough about music........................................................................

Yesterday I wend to Icabods. This is what I got:

1 - the essays of Francis Bacon
2 - Jailbird by Kurt Vonnegut
3 - Rick Steve's French phrase book and dictionary (just in case I go to paris in April)
4 - an Anne Murray record for $1!

enough about books.........................................................................

When you spend time in a small moutain town...you start to think about life. This is what I want to know:

Question #1:

Do I want a boyfriend? After a revelation this weekend...I decided that I already have one, but I am wondering if this is a good thing. First of all, I don't really make a good girlfriend because I just do what I want to. Secondly, if I have a boyfriend there is a possiblity I might fall in love. YIKES!! the "L word".......so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Question #2:

should I move to Ouray when I graduate next year?