Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Almost September (part II)


You wanted to take me to Abercrombie and Finch to buy a dress like the one Margo Tanenbaum always wore. But you're not Richie or Eli. You're Royal. And I'm not any of the Tanenbaums. Well, maybe I am a bit like Margo, so secrative.

You're not a bastard. You're just a son of a bitch. But I can't tell you that to youre face because you'll lie in bed for a week longing for death. What a waste. If I had half of what you were given...



I'll fall asleep to songs about how no body loves me. Things will turn out alright because no matter how fucked up this world is, there's always a smidge of goodness. And that's all it takes.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Almost September

Last night I had the strangest dream. I was in Sandusky, Ohio at Cedar Point with my friends. All the people were fat, and they were all eating green cotton candy. Off in the distance, I saw the world’s most dangerous roller coaster, and I wanted to ride it. My friends kept saying, “Luccy, you’re crazy! That roller coaster is too wild, too high, too dangerous. What if you get hurt?”
“I don’t care. I want to ride it.”
I stared at the coaster for what seemed like hours just watching the people go from 0 to 120 mph in only 3 seconds, being shot straight up in the air to 420 feet high and then dropping back down again. When the ride came to a stop, the people’s faces all had this stupid, surprised expression like they had just been kissed for the first time.

The coaster was calling my name. Finally I got up enough courage, I ditched the girls and got in line to take a ride. Because I was dreaming, I got on the ride without having to wait. As I sat in the seat I was so excited and nervous. I’d ridden roller coasters before, but none quite as intense as this one. I held on to my seat bar and closed my eyes to enjoy the ride.

It was everything I had hoped for and more. A take off faster than imaginable, straight up and then back down again as if gravity had been defined all over again. It only lasted for twenty seconds. I got off the ride and began to cry. It was so satisfying, but somehow I felt so empty. It all happened so fast.

My friends met me at the end of the ramp. They saw that I was crying and I was embarrassed. I knew what they were thinking, but I let them see me cry anyway.
“What happened?” they asked.
“It was so intense. It took off so fast. It soared to great heights and then back again.” I said through my tears, “and then it dropped my off.”
“Why are you crying?”
“Because now I’m all alone. Its over.”
“But you still have us.”
“But I want to ride the roller coaster again.”
“But it won’t appreciate you like we do. It will just leave to sad again. You can’t go back. Its way too dangerous for you. You just stay here with us.”
“But if I could ride it just one more time…”
“No. Just trust us. Its too dangerous.”
“But people ride that thing all day. Up and down and what not. And they all come out okay.”
“Some of them don’t. Some of them get sick and throw up and it smells like parmesan cheese. One kid died on a roller coaster a Disneyland.”
“But I won’t let that happen to me.”
“Please, we’re begging you. Just stay here with us. There are plenty more roller coasters in the park to ride. Most of them are much less intense. You’ll find another that will be even better.”
“You guys go ahead. I need sometime to think about this.”
“Okay. We’ll catch up with you later.”

I stood by roller coaster and watched all the people going up and down as fast a lightning. All afternoon, I just stood there. I couldn’t take my mind off of it. Every once in a while my friends would check in with me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. I just can’t keep my mind off this fucking roller coaster.”
“Just give it some time.”

But I couldn’t wait. I got back in line for another ride. This time I had to wait. Just as I was reaching the podium to get on board again, I saw my friends. They were in the operating booth talking to the roller coaster operator. I knew what they were doing. They were telling him not to let me on the ride. I was too far away. I couldn’t stop them. I didn’t understand. They only saw the bad, I guess. But they should have known that nothing is only bad. Everything is bad and good at the same time.

Then I woke up to the sound of Adam’s alarm clock. I rolled over and started laughing. “What’s so funny?” he asked in a waking stupor.
”I just had the funniest dream.”
“What was it about?”
“A bunch of fat people eating green cotton candy.”
He started laughing with me.
“…kill me now while I’m happy.” I said to him.
“If this isn’t good, then what is?” He replied.

We like to talk with Vonnegut quotes.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

I don't love anyone

I don’t love anyone
You’re not listening
You’re playing with something
You’re playing with yourself

I don’t love anyone
You’re not listening even now
You’re playing with someone
You’re playing with someone else

And if there’s one thing that I learned when I was a child
It’s to take a hiding

I don’t love anything
Not even christmas
Especially not that
I don’t love anything

No, I don’t love anyone
Maybe my sister
Maybe my baby brother too, yeah
I don’t love anyone

But if there’s one thing that I learned when I was still a child
It’s to take a hiding
Yeah if there’s one thing that I learned when I was still at school
It’s to be alone

Out in the street today
The kids are playing, having fun
I pass them by I’m not a kid, no
I don’t love anyone

I met a man today
He told me something pretty strange
There’s always somebody saying something
He said, the world is as soft as lace.

But I don’t love anyone

-B&S
___________________________________________________________________

This was my horoscope from the onion:

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Romance will bloom all around you this week, leaving you alone and desolate in the eye of a veritable romance hurricane.

Friday, August 26, 2005

I heart roller coasters



especially when they have such features as:

0 to 120 in four seconds

420 feet in the air

90 degree vertical drop


(this is how I role)





the dragster at Cedar Point

Sunday, August 21, 2005

"With every broken heart we become more adverntourous"


Hi. My name is varuca salt. I’m extremely selfish. My decisions rarely consider consequences. I have control issues. In fact, I’ve got a lot of unresolved issues. I don’t handle controversy very well either. My arm pits stink, and so does my shit. I’m pretty self conscious, so I always think everything is my fault. I am divorced. I might accidentally run into my x-husband someday, and I probably won’t handle the situation with rational behavior. I try and keep myself freshly shaven, but sometimes I get stubble. And while we’re on that subject, I’m sexually frustrated. Unfortunately, I am also a morning person. Abnormally large dogs, assault weapons, and ambulances scare me. But then again I’m an intense person, so I am liable to over react in situations quite often…making mice into elephants. I’m also sensitive to chemicals, so I have a tendency to make a fool of myself when I get drunk. I don't know...its just what I've heard.

But, on a positive note, the only thing I really lie about is how often I cry. And I don’t want to be a bitter buffalo; I’m trying to just be a regular one.


____________________________________________________________________

Dear Bob Schneider,

My sincere appologies to you, sir. I would have loved to come back to your lodge and party with you and your friends, but instead I decided to go home with the loud obnoxious guy that everyone wanted to punch. If I had a nickel every time I've made a bad choice I’d have about 85 cents.

Sincerely,

Luccy

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Patent leather shoes really reflect up...

Random notes:

1. My stereo was stolen from my car yesterday at work. Its quite strange to drive in silence.
2. Danger Girl is playing at the Larimer Lounge on Sunday. It would be really stupid of you not to go to this show. Trust me. When have I ever let you astray???
3. There is a store on Brighton Blvd. That sells nothing but claw-foot bathtubs and just in case you were wondering, they are open at 6:30AM.


Disclaimer:

New Balance shoes are not Nike shoes. I have a pair of very comfortable New Balance shoes. Sorry for all the ranting and/or raving about Nike products. It turns out I don't own any Nike shoes after all.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

guess we'll just have to adjust

Yesterday I worked 15 hours and had pineapple and anchovy pizza for dinner.

I found out that one of my favorite patients from the hospital passed away. Death is a mysterious thing.

"The nihilists say it is the end; the fundamentalists, the beginning; when in reality it is no more than a single tenant or family moving out of a tenement or town." -William Faulkner, As I lay dying.

I say the thought of death just makes you appreciate the small things like pancakes and coffee on Sunday morning.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

his name is Donnie

I met a boy the other night.

He had a gold tooth.
He told me a story about how goats can climb trees.
And, within only hours of knowing each other, he told me our kids would have pretty eyes.
He also thought it was cute to call me "boo-boo kitty."

If you were me what would you do?

A. Run, run as fast as you can.

B. Tell him you’d love to hang out again, but you’d probably be busy washing your hair.

C. Use him as a one-night-stand

D. Fall head-over-heels for this sweet talkin’ gansta

Well............


It turns out that goats really can climb trees,
so I thought I might give him a chance.












Love is a funny, funny thing.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Guess Who...

and then...

On days like today
I'm glad I don't look like Betty Page
floating into work on a boat
wearing a bright yellow coat!
Because feeling guilty for the things I've done
is like apoligizing for being young.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Inconceivable!

I passed my test...second time's a charm.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I got drunk on gin and watched The Princess Bride.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!