"With every broken heart we become more adverntourous"

Hi. My name is varuca salt. I’m extremely selfish. My decisions rarely consider consequences. I have control issues. In fact, I’ve got a lot of unresolved issues. I don’t handle controversy very well either. My arm pits stink, and so does my shit. I’m pretty self conscious, so I always think everything is my fault. I am divorced. I might accidentally run into my x-husband someday, and I probably won’t handle the situation with rational behavior. I try and keep myself freshly shaven, but sometimes I get stubble. And while we’re on that subject, I’m sexually frustrated. Unfortunately, I am also a morning person. Abnormally large dogs, assault weapons, and ambulances scare me. But then again I’m an intense person, so I am liable to over react in situations quite often…making mice into elephants. I’m also sensitive to chemicals, so I have a tendency to make a fool of myself when I get drunk. I don't know...its just what I've heard.

But, on a positive note, the only thing I really lie about is how often I cry. And I don’t want to be a bitter buffalo; I’m trying to just be a regular one.


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Dear Bob Schneider,

My sincere appologies to you, sir. I would have loved to come back to your lodge and party with you and your friends, but instead I decided to go home with the loud obnoxious guy that everyone wanted to punch. If I had a nickel every time I've made a bad choice I’d have about 85 cents.

Sincerely,

Luccy