Fueled by failure

and feeling discontent about the way things turned out, I find myself tapping into my remaining dignity. I’m sad because I should have done better. This type of failure is new to me, and I’m not quite sure how swallow it. My motivation was killed by distraction. Damn this blog. Damn my sense of adventure. And damn my hopeless romantic heart. These things characterize bittersweetness. I wouldn’t be me without them, yet they betray me and leave me pathetic and lonely. Who will be there for me when inevitability pushes me over? The only way I know how to deal with life is to keep going. How naïve to think gravity doesn’t apply to me.

I failed. I blew it.

I am not as smart as I they thought I was.

There is a place in time where particles combine with anti-particles, arrogance and egotism are the same as weakness and modesty. I imagine these particles compose a rock in the middle of a valley surrounded by mountains of too much pressure and rivers of carelessness. I want to be that rock. I want the negative to become the positive.