good morning

It is noon on Sunday.

The Challenger exploded 22 years ago.


When my mom was pregnant with me, she fell off a snowmobile and couldn't feel me kick for two days.


God's been missing for quite some time, but the Chaos Theory gives me comfort.


I was suposed to be born on Valentine's day, but I was two weeks early. I've never been able to show up on time for love.

Top ten list: what I would do with an extra $1000

10 – have my left breast augmented
9 – pay back my mom for all the times she’s lent me $20
8 – two months rent
7 – save it for a rainy day
6 – donate it to charity
5 – take all my friends out for sushi and sake and lap dances
4 – my very own turn tables
3 – new pair of skies
2 – give it to Willy to buy snowmobile parts
1 – Buy a plane ticket to China

The bank gave me an extra $1000 today at noon. About 3 hours later, I went back and pointed out the mistake. I am sure that God/ Jesus/ Buddha/ Natural Selection/ the Tao/ the universe are all very proud of my honesty. At least Erick at Wells Fargo will still have a job tomorrow. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.

DJ (short for Dream Job)

Jesus Christ! I just heard hot chip followed by Ratata and then !!! (chk chk chk). That’s it. I’ve got a new dream job. I want to be a DJ on satellite radio. I’ll move to NYC and live in the lower east side and share an office with Howard Stren and Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart. Occasionally I'll bump into Joan Jet and be like, “hey Joan Jet…umm...your set made me wet.” And then run down the hall giggling at all my rhymes. Every other Thursday I'll hang out with Matt Pinfield and kiss his ass and be like, “hey Matt Pinfield you totally know so many more bands than me!” But the best part of my dream job as a DJ on satellite radio will be knowing that off somewhere away from the city, perhaps in the mountains, someone is listening to my set. Miles from no where, she can’t even get cell phone reception or FM reception. If a tree fell in the woods she’d be the only one to hear it smash. But it would be smashing to the beat of my set blasting on her satellite radio. Goddamn, that’s some kind of power!