my crazy witch craft voo-doo school

Day: Monday
Class: Western Medical Referral
Teacher: Divorced, single mother from China
Lesson: Asthma
What I learned in class: People who are lonely have more problems with their lungs, so I should tell patients to talk to theirs pets and to flirt when they go out.





Day: Tuesday
Class: Western Nutrition
Teacher: Overweight Chiropractor
Lesson: Vitamins and Minerals
What I learned in class: 3 out of 5 people in Denver have Hypothyroidism*. Apparently, there is such a high level of Chlorine in the city water that when we take a shower chlorine gas evaporates. As we inhale this toxic gas, the chlorine ions bind to our thyroid gland because we all have a preexisting iodine deficiency, thus causing hypothyroidism.
*Comments: I call bull shit on this one, but my teacher was so passionate about this argument that I wasn’t about to get into a debate. So I sat in the back of the class and shook my head.

Day: Tuesday
Class: Clinical Business
Teacher: Acupuncturist with an MBA
Lesson: Finances
What I learned: I need a separate credit card for my business expenses. It seems that this is common knowledge because I looked like a dumb ass when I asked why? I can assign all the carbons to a benzene ring. I even know what herbs can treat a common cold, but I can’t tell you shit about biz-nas.






Day: Wednesday
Class: Internal Medicine
Teacher: Famous herbalist from China
Lesson: Lung and Large Intestine diseases
What I learned: The graveyards in ancient China had a large circle in the middle that was reserved for infants and small children. The deceased youngsters were not buried there, but simply laid out on the ground. According to legend if a wolf or wild animal ate your dead child it was good luck for you to conceive another.